1) one time i accidently inhaled a starlight mint in English class and wanted to go the the nurse because i thought i was choking to death even though i was not coughing.
2) i chewed on this cheap ballpoint pen* and it exploded in my mouth, and my entire face was covered in ink. it is starting to become clear to me, years later, why everyone thought i was on drugs.
3) i used vinyl decal letters to spell out "SIOUXSIE" (which i wanted everyone to call me, OF COURSE) on my locker, which just resulted in someone rearranging them to say "I SEX U" while i was in another class.
4) i was super unathletic so i pretended i was schizophrenic so i could get out of PE a lot.
*in high school, we spent a lot of time in the library, where they had this machine i was obsessed with that dispensed ballpoints for a dollar which i then broke open in my mouth. i dont think i ever did any sort of studying in the library, but i do recall stuffing sodas up the sleeve of my jacket and then drinking out of the sleeve. because that doesnt look suspicious. i also remember Xeroxing pictures of Roman Polanski out of the Encyclopedia of Crime, writing Mary Sue fanfic with Nick Cave and Robert Smith, and coughing so i could tear pages out of magazines since we couldnt check them out. probably so we wouldnt tear out pages.
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